


a heart to break

by cosmicrhetoric



Category: Throne of Glass Series - Sarah J. Maas
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Enemies to Something, F/F, GODDDDD we're really doing this, not exactly lovers but oh well
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-17
Updated: 2019-08-22
Packaged: 2019-10-11 13:31:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 5,025
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17447906
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cosmicrhetoric/pseuds/cosmicrhetoric
Summary: Even if Manon was determined to burn her own feelings out of her heart one by one, she couldn’t fool Aelin into believing she’d succeed.Aelin was pretty sure she wasn't cut out for a real traditional love story. She's not sure she's cut out for Manon Blackbeak, either. Prep school AU.





	1. bite me

**Author's Note:**

> i know, i KNOW.....but i just had to get them out of my head. I've been a closet maelin stan since 'honestly it was a shame manon had to kill her'.  
> this is easily one of the shortest things ive ever written even chapter wise, so like...i'm just going to keep adding to it until i get them out of my system.  
> written while listening exclusively to The Pretty Reckless, so there's your fic playlist.

Manon Blackbeak at prep school, smoking a cigarette, sitting with her back against the gym building--

“You ever been in love?” she asked, barely a trail of smoke wafting past her lips.

They were seventeen and real mad at each other. Aelin sat next to her, not smoking because she had to meet Chaol after this and he could pick the scent off her breath and scold her for hours.

“Yeah,” said Aelin, touching her fingers to her lips. They came away stained red. 

Manon nodded. Her knees, just below the school issued plaid skirt, were bloody. Aelin did that. They were both up for field hockey caption next semester and both needed to act extra aggressive on the green. She was nursing a bruised elbow. That wasn’t why she was mad.

About five minutes ago, in the middle of a shouting match, Manon grabbed her chin and kissed her, lips bruising--

And now they were here.

“What was it like?”

Aelin shrugged. She and Sam hadn’t ended great. “Overrated.”

“Yeah, that’s what I’ve been hearing,” Manon ground her cigarette into the concrete, despite having hardly smoked. “What, you’re not going to ask? Thought you were nosy.”

“I don’t have to,” she glanced over and raised a brow at Manon. “Please. El broke your heart.”

Manon went still. Aelin knew she had hit her mark.

“I don’t have a heart to break.”

* * *

 

The weekend before winter break, they were named co-captains.

Aelin made eye contact with Manon across the crowded locker room. Neither of them had wanted this, but it was probably the best option. If Manon had gotten it, she’d of had to quit. And well, Manon was the worst person in the world at taking orders.

At school, they called her _ice witch_ behind her back, saying she was cold blooded, that if you cut her she’d run blue. But Aelin remembered her bloody knees, her cigarette, the very particular way she held herself anytime someone reminded her of Elide...even if Manon was determined to burn her own feelings out of her heart one by one, she couldn’t fool Aelin into believing she’d succeed.

Across the room, Manon’s attention was drawn away by one of their teammates who fell sorely under Manon’s jurisdiction. Unfortunately, that was how it worked. At the beginning of the year, nine of the girls were ride or die for Aelin, and thirteen for Manon. But when Edda, Briar, Fallon, and Thea were pulled suddenly from school by their strange families, the team was drawn even.

Manon’s silver hair had been cut a month ago. Before it was long, a silver sheet down to her back that was _so_ against dress code, not that anyone ever called her out on it. Now it was still silver, still shining, but she had shaved the sides so short Aelin could see thin lines of what _could_ be a skull tattoo above her ears. It must be a pain to keep dyed all the time. Aelin never saw a hint of her roots coming in.

As if she felt Aelin’s gaze still on her, Manon glanced back. She dyed her eyebrows too. Aelin felt her ears get hot, thanking her lucky stars she didn’t blush easily.

* * *

It was a normal fight. They were both bleeding from the field, but Manon seemed determined to settle the score. She shoved Aelin hard up against the lockers, fist knotting in her uniform.

 _This was new_ , thought Aelin, before snarling and grabbing hold of Manon’s shirt to hold her at bay.

“You seriously think you’re so great,” she hissed, trying to blow her bangs off her face. “You _seriously_ think you deserve--”

“You don’t get to talk about what I deserve,” said Manon, voice still low, quiet, despite the hate in her eyes and the very dangerous edge in her voice.

Aelin didn’t like anyone pushing her around, but she was suddenly very aware that Manon’s whole person was pressed up against her body, and that it was only her fist in Manon’s shirt that kept any distance between them at all. She flattened her palm, ready to push--

“And why’s that, Blackbeak?” said Aelin, a tiny bit breathless.“God, I knew you hated me, but it’s suddenly so clear _why_.”

 _You don’t know me_ , she read in Manon’s eyes, but all Manon did was smile coldly.

Vicious.

“Enlighten me.”

Aelin grinned, all concern for her safety flying out the window. _Manon Blackbeak_ thought she could intimidate _her_ ? “Cause you know I’m the only one in this shithole that sees you for the insecure _control freak_ you are. Newsflash, babe, if you’re this shaken by a little competition you’re better off leaving it off to me--”

Something in Manon’s bright eyes flashed. She lunged forward, viperlike despite the tiny distance between them, and bit down on Aelin’s lip, hard.

“Oh, _fuck_ you,” was all Aelin managed to get out through the shock before Manon grabbed her chin and kissed her, licking the blood away. Aelin’s hand against her chest found itself in her hair then, first because she needed _something_ to hold onto, and then because she was suddenly kissing Manon Blackbeak _back_.

It was only when Manon pressed her even further into the locker, a lock digging uncomfortably into Aelin’s spine, that her eyes flew open.

This was _not_ happening like this, with Aelin cornered like some rabbit before the menace that Manon Blackbeak was. She fisted the hand in Manon’s hair, yanking her head back.

“Get off me,” she snarled.

Manon raised a brow, and grinned so sharply Aelin felt an ice cold current shock through her. She let go of Aelin, wiping at her lip--there was some smudged red there. “If you’re gonna spit poison, you better be prepared for someone to take it back.”

Aelin ran a hand through her hair, trying to control her heartbeat. “Fuck you.”

“Nice comeback,” Manon turned away, hand digging through her skirt pocket and coming up with a box of cigarettes. “Got a light?”

* * *

 

 

The thing about a boarding school like Erilea was that it was self contained. Everyone went to the same parties, everyone had the same make out spots, everyone at least knew what the class drama was about.

This was a bad thing most of the time, if only Aelin could actually remember that. Somehow she was still surprised to see Manon through the crowd at Dorian Havilliard’s end of term party.

They hadn’t talked about the kiss, but Aelin thought about it almost constantly. Logically she knew that Manon wouldn’t address it, that she felt too guilty. It had only been a short while since Elide broke up with her, and that was a break up of convenience. She had been moving, and insisted long distance wouldn’t work...whatever ramifications of that mess had obviously just manifested in Manon kissing the (in her mind) most odious person she knew.

That had to be it.

Somehow, Dorian found her in time to shove a drink into her hand.

“Thanks,” she said, smiling and downing it.

He grinned back at her, incredibly sober for this time of night. “You look tired, A.”

“Finals,” said Aelin. Dorian handed her a second drink. “Or whatever.”

 _Whatever_ was their code for romantic woes. When Aelin had been the first person to clock that he was head over heels for their mutual best friend, Chaol, he began to use it more and more frequently.

Dorian raised his brows.

She wasn’t talking about Manon. This _whatever_ was just...she was lonely. Besides the tiniest crush on Chaol she had herself, Aelin hadn’t dated anyone since coming to Erilea, and by extension since Sam. An angry kiss in the gym wasn’t a romantic problem.

“Not like that!” backtracked Aelin quickly. “Not like...”

“First I’m hearing of this,” said Dorian, ever present smile still fixed on his face. Someone, he could convey a whole spectrum of emotions while still smiling. “But you’re not going to talk about it, yeah?”

He did know her.

“Yeah,” admitted Aelin.

He threw an arm around her shoulder. “Then you may as well drink more.”

She made a kissy face at him as he gave her a reassuring squeeze, directed her to the surprisingly okay looking table of punch.

“Go forth,” he commanded.

She stumbled forward, making a quick rude gesture behind her, but Aelin knew he was probably already gone. Dorian was a good host. Aelin reached for a half full cup in front of her, other hand trailing through her day two barely knotted hair, when someone caught her outstretched wrist.

Embarrassing as it was, Aelin recognized the cool touch, slim wrist, from the feel of it before her eyes got with the program and saw Manon there, pushing her hand away and taking the cup herself.

“Hey,” said Aelin, frowning.

Manon didn’t look at her, just raised an eyebrow. She passed the cup to a very tan, very blonde girl behind her. Asterin. Aelin knew her from the team.

“ _Hey_ ,” said Aelin, louder. She grabbed Manon’s hand herself this time, forcing the girl to turn and face her.

“You have something to say?” said Manon quietly, the ever present layer of animosity in her voice even less veiled than normal. She flexed her wrist, but Aelin held fast.

Aelin felt electricity, cold instead of hot, flash through her veins. She cocked her head slightly. “That was my cup.”

Manon let out a little huff of a laugh, expression not changing. “There’s about eight more drinks at the table, Galathynius.”

“Yeah?” Aelin leaned forward. They were exactly the same height. “Then why’d you go for mine?”

Manon wasn’t wearing foundation, and Aelin could see the very faint freckles across the bridge of her nose. She noticed them a long time ago, and had tucked the detail very deep in her mind.

Manon’s eyes narrowed very slightly.

“Oh my god,” said Asterin, rolling her eyes, incredibly exasperated. “Keep it on the _field_ , ladies, _please._ Manon, Sorrel said I could only drink for the first hour we were here, you’re eating into my time.”

She grabbed the cup from Manon and Aelin’s joined hands and knocked it back, taking another before stalking back into the crowd.

Aelin’s grip went slack--Manon yanked her wrist back.

“Back off, Galathynius.”

“Bite me, Blackbeak.” Aelin shouldered past her, brain like a storm cloud. Every encounter with Manon left her feeling like her whole body was static. If she got out of there fast enough, she could pretend she hadn’t seen Manon grin, showing all of her sharp, sharp teeth--

  



	2. chemistry

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> anyway so this happened...its a different vibe than the first installation im ngl im still feeling my way around this iteration of manon and aelin.
> 
> anyway thanks for all the comments and stuff! together, we can make maelin not a crack ship anymore.  
> CONGRATS ON OUR HUGO AWARD NOMINATION!!!!!!!

Aelin was good at a lot of things. Arithmetic. Book reports. The sciences, however, never managed to keep her interest, and it was because of this attitude that she got paired with none other than star chemistry student Manon Blackbeak as a lab partner for the term.

Manon didn’t look very surprised as she slid into the stool next to Aelin’s, which was a little insulting.

“Did you grab the lab books?” asked Aelin, gaze as dull as she could make it. She kept her eyes fixed on her textbook.

There was a tight moment of silence before Manon slung two thin lab books onto the table.

“Great.” Aelin reached out to take one, almost expecting a repeat of the end of term Havilliard party drink situation. But she was able to take the book unhindered. Aelin held it up in front of her, reading the title. Out of the corner of her eye, she could sense Manon lean back in her seat, folding her arms.

“Coward,” she drawled.

Aelin slammed the book onto the table in front of her. A few of the closer tables, one including Chaol, turned at the noise. Chaol mouthed a _what are you doing?_ at her. Aelin felt her ears heating up.

She fought to get her breathing under control before she answered. “ _Excuse me_?” hissed Aelin, still looking straight ahead.

“You can’t even look at me.”

Aelin summoned every ounce of self control she had in her to turn stiffly in her seat and meet Manon’s eyes. The other girl was biting back a very self satisfied smile, which in Blackbeak body language was pretty much a full laugh. “Happy?”

Manon leaned forward, just an inch, smiled growing when Aelin flinched back. “Terribly. We’ll start with the microscope slides, then?”

It was a testament to how used Aelin had become to Manon’s strange manner of initiating some awful interaction and then cutting it short when Aelin started to get mad that she wasn’t even phased.  She just opened her booklet, jaw tense, and began setting up their microscope.

* * *

 

She needed to talk to _someone_. Anyone, at this point. Aelin was sure Manon Blackbeak hadn’t divulged the kissing or the locker room to anyone in her weird cult of followers, but something about the way that Asterin girl had looked at her...either way, Aelin needed an outlet.

But it couldn’t be anyone, that was the problem. Lysandra, her first choice when it came to someone who could tell her to cut the bullshit, would judge. And she was very anti-relationship right now. Aedion was her cousin, and they weren’t exactly at the ‘talking about girlfriends’ bit in their relationship ( _not_ that Manon Blackbeak had any danger of being her _girlfriend_ , oh my god), plus he had graduated and was only reachable by phone. Dorian was, well, a little too mixed up with his own romance issues. If Aelin wanted to pine, she’d go to him. But she wanted results.

So that left Chaol, who practically had a degree in being unimpressed with her and was so blissfully unaware of his own best friend’s pining he really thought he had no relationship problems. She showed up at his room forty minutes before curfew on a day she knew Dorian was all night study sessioning with a friend with a bag of coffee grounds.

Chaol also snuck in a shitty drip coffee machine into the dorm.

If Aelin were really honest, the perfect person to talk to about Manon Blackbeak was Elide. But that was a whole other situation.

“Hi,” she said when Chaol opened the door. “Got a minute?”

Chaol took a conspicuous sniff. Aelin rolled her eyes. Since he had practically forced her to quit smoking, he was always on his toes about it when she wanted to talk. “Dorian’s not here...” he said slowly, standing aside to let her in. “But you knew that?”

She smiled at him, stepping in and crossing immediately to Dorian’s bed. “Yeah, I was looking for you.”

Chaol grabbed the grounds from her hands as she kicked off her shoes and settled crosslegged on Dorian’s blue bedspread. “Should I be worried?”

Aelin waiting for him to drag his desk chair to the foot of Dorian’s bed. “Promise you won’t freak out.”

That only made his serious frown deepen. “Aelin...”

“ _Promise_.”

He nodded, mouth flattening into a hard line.

She took a deep breath. “Manon Blackbeak kissed me last term.”

To Chaol’s credit, he didn’t freak out. He didn’t even move, just stared at her. Aelin waited. A muscle in his jaw jumped.

“You need a second?” she asked, trying to laugh.

Chaol opened his mouth, and then closed it. “Okay,” he finally said. “Huh.”

“Yeah.”

“And how do you--” he looked like he was swallowing gravel. “And you do you feel about that?”

Aelin rolled her eyes. “I don’t know, Dr. Phil, you tell me,” She laid down on the bed, hands covering her face. “And she keeps like...I don’t know how to explain it. Like _hinting_ at it, and we haven’t even talked about it but she keeps _touching_ me--”

“Woah, woah,” Chaol sat up straight, looking incredibly uncomfortable. “Uh, when you say touching...”

She parted her fingers to shoot him a glare. “Not like that. Like holding onto my wrist, or touching my back during practice, or Jesus, she keeps making me _look_ at her. But not regular looking. It’s intense. I have no idea what she’s doing.”

“Okay,” said Chaol, who still looked a little in over his head. But he fixed her with that serious, heavy gaze and Aelin knew she made the right choice going to him. “I’m gonna put on my best Lys hat here, okay, so this is gonna be really awkward but I think you’re gonna have to answer.”

“Shoot.”

Chaol winced. “How...was it?”

Aelin pressed her lips together, remembering Manon’s teeth sinking into her lower lip, Aelin’s hands in her hair, the blood...”Intense,” she said again. “Like...really intense. Never felt anything like that, but I don’t exactly think that’s a good thing.”

“And are you into her?”

Well, it was the only explanation, wasn’t it? Aelin had kissed back, after all. She got that feeling in her stomach, like all her abdominal muscles decided to squeeze against her ribs without alerting the rest of her body.

“Don’t get me wrong,” said Aelin. “I do not want to date Manon Blackbeak.”

Chaol gave her that crooked smile everyone in this school fell for. “Didn’t answer the question, Aelin.”

* * *

 

Manon was already in the locker room when Aelin walked in, an hour before practice.

“Co-captain,” said Manon dryly, nodding at her. She was holding a tablet and taking notes.

Aelin tried her best not to look at the lockers to her left, where Manon Blackbeak had shoved her into many weeks ago. “Co-captain,” she replied, dropping her bag and going to sit across from Manon. “What are you up to?”

Manon turned the tablet to display a shaky recording of a field hockey game. Aelin recognized the colors--it was the last game Wendlyn, their school’s rivals, had played. The Erilea-Wendlyn game was next month.

She grinned with all her teeth. Finally, something she and Manon could agree on without it being weird. “Nice. What are you looking for?”

“They changed up their lineup,” said Manon absently, eyes fixed on the video. Aelin shifted to sit next to her so she could watch too. “Not sure why.”

“They won this game, yeah?”

Manon nodded.

“They know we’re their competition this season. They might be trying to mess with us, not give us a sure pattern to study before the match. Wendlyn’s tricky like that.”

Manon glanced at her, eyebrow raised. Aelin stared cooly back, cursing herself for getting in another situation where she was only inches away from Manon.

“I think you may be correct,” said Manon, shutting the tablet off. “What do you suggest we do about it?”

Aelin smirked despite her better judgement, cocking her head slightly. “Looking to me, leader?”

“You wish.” said Manon, a hint of a smile on her lips.

“We don’t need to predict their strategy, just their players. If we study them, when we got Wendlyn on the ropes next month, we can figure out what the individual players will do under great stress.”

“So, all we have to do is play better than them. Groundbreaking”

Aelin pointed to Manon’s notebook. “The studying won’t hurt.”

Manon set the notebook down, regarding Aelin for some time. She did this often. Aelin had seen her do it to other people as well, where she just looked at them, like she turned on something intense in her eyes and she could see the core of people. “I’m not going to kiss you again.”

Aelin nearly fell off the bench. “W--What?”

Manon raised a brow, barely smiling. “Not unless you want me to, that is.”

“Oh,” Aelin would give anything to know what the hell was going on in that silver head. “Are we talking about it now?”

“We just did,” said Manon simply. “Matter is set aside.”

“Oh, no it is _not_ ,” Aelin said hotly. “You don’t get to decide to table a discussion I didn’t even know was up for grabs.”

“You could have brought it up at anytime.”

“ _I_ was being a decent person and trying to forget it ever happened!”

Something cold shuttered closed in Manon’s eyes. “Well, that’s flattering.”

“That’s not what I mean,” said Aelin, frustrated. She wanted clarification, but this was probably the last conversation she wanted to have. “Why’d you kiss me, Blackbeak?”

“To sh--”

“I swear to God, Manon, if you say ‘to shut you up,’ I’m gonna--”

Manon laughed. Honest to God laughed. It was an unfamiliar sound. Aelin cut herself off, her hands balling into fists.

"Really, Galathynius. You shouldn't obsess so much."

A spike of anger drilled into Aelin, white hot but dull. She was the one who reached out this time, grabbing Manon's chin between her thumb and forefinger, so quickly Manon even showed a degree of shock. "Hey," she said, voice low. "You call me a coward for not looking at you? Well, I'm looking now, and I want an answer. A real one."

"You should probably let me go," said Manon, eyes narrowing. 

Aelin cocked an eyebrow up. "Or what?"

"I told you I wasn't going to kiss you again, and I won't. But I can still kick your ass, Galathynius." 

"Actually, you said you weren't gonna kiss me unless I wanted you to."

Manon stilled. "What exactly are you saying?"

Aelin leaned in, eyes fixed on Manon's. "I'm saying," she said quietly. "I might not be the coward here."

Real anger flashed in Manon's eyes, and she pushed Aelin back with enough force to break her hold on her jaw. Aelin smiled coldly, battle won, and held her hands up as she stood and left the locker room.

Battle won, but she still wished she had any idea what they were fighting for. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry they dont kiss in this one...
> 
> i want to make a playlist btw? comment song suggestions if u want, for maelin in general if not this specific au. 
> 
> peace out....talk to me at cosmicrhetoric on tumblr i wont shut up about maelin


	3. lightness of being

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oof.....okay...i actually have an explanation for my very long absence and it mostly boils down to 'good omens came out three months ago and asgdfsjnas sdfijsdf'   
> manon pov for once. lmk how it goes!

Aelin Galathynius, across the cafeteria, bandages on her knees. Aelin Galathynius, eyes fixed out the window while her two lackeys gabbed to each other, Aelin watching smoke rise from the chimneys of the unrestored buildings of old campus. Manon could almost taste how much the girl across the cafeteria wanted a drag. 

She tore her gaze away. Nothing good could come of this. 

* * *

 

Sorrel was one of the prettiest girls Manon knew. Sure, her cousin and Vesta were blessed with high definition model level looks, perfect skin and hair and smiles, but they looked like they were ripped straight off the page of a glossy summer Vogue. Sorrel was real. Skin the color of the coffee she drank, sprinkled densely with dark freckles, hair a true brown that was always stick straight down her back--only a few of them knew she straightened it every day, and that her true texture looped and waved. 

But this did girls like Asterin and Vesta a disservice. Just because they looked so hyper realistically like a fantasy come to life, people forgot that their minds were just as sharp as Manon’s herself, that they were born under the same troubled star. 

She was immune to beauty alone. It was the combination that spoke to her. 

Elide hadn’t been like that. She was pretty, yes, but she certainly didn’t hold herself like she was. But the quick-sharp flashes of humor, of ice, of resolve that Elide worked so hard to conceal...that was why Manon had managed to melt around her. Elide Lochan  _ liked _ being underestimated, but she also liked that Manon, not for a second, ever bought into it. 

Manon understood prettiness. Attractiveness. Of every type, of Sorrel or Asterin or Elide. She grew up with beautiful, beautiful people. She had seen the way that men in particular fell to physical appearance, and  _ knew _ no woman, least of all her, could be so stupid.

So why was the way Aelin Galathynius pulled up her hair playing behind her eyelids? Her brassy blonde hair, swooped up into a tiny clip--the exhalation of relief at the weight, gone, from her shoulders--her shallow blue eyes closed for a moment, in concentration or frustration, Manon didn’t know, before opening, before catching Manon’s eye, before  _ seeing _ \--

* * *

 

_ Coward _ . 

They sat together, three feet apart, in Chemistry, successfully ignoring each other. It was Aelin’s turn with the textbook booklet. Manon fiddled with the instruments in front of her.

_ Coward _ , she had called her  _ coward _ , and as much as Manon tried to forget, she couldn’t help but seethe. That kiss had been...ill advised, perhaps, a loss of control on Manon’s part, but she had been quickly regaining the upper hand. Aelin blushed easily, and that was in Manon’s favor. The more off balanced she made the other girl, the more secure she felt in wiping away what happened in the locker room.

And then Aelin grabbed her face, looked straight into her eyes, and called her on that bullshit. If Manon wanted to forget, she would have done it by now. 

She cast a sidelong glance at the other girl, who’s face was set in stony silence. Elide’s  _ cousin _ , Manon reminded herself. Her cousin. Of all people to have a strange and sudden fascination with! 

God. She needed to get a grip. 

They worked together without speaking until the bell rang. Aelin was off her stool in a flash, grabbing her bags and leaving so quickly Manon didn’t even have time to watch her go. 

She was almost as quick, however, and instead of heading to her Literature class, beelined straight for the school grounds, for the little spot behind the gardens that every upperclassmen had used to light up for the past twenty years. It was just a ten foot strip of grass between the gray stone of a greenhouse and the green fence of the gardens, but it was empty, and that was enough. Manon flicked a cigarette out from the pack at the bottom of her bag and fished out a heavy silver lighter. She was halfway through lighting it, cigarette between her teeth, when the sound of footsteps on the grass prompted her to turn--and of course, yes, there was Aelin, face red, emerging from the bushes. She stopped shock still at the sight of Manon.

There’s a choice here, thought Manon. She could leave. Cut this stupid obsession out like...like pruning hedges. 

Instead, she took a second cigarette from her bag and offered it out. 

Aelin raised one brow, expression slightly calculating. Feeling slightly foolish, but also as thought she would rather die than let that on, Manon cocked her head. 

Aelin took the cigarette. “Light?” she asked, putting it between her lips. 

Interesting. Manon obliged, extending her lighter. Aelin  leaned in, but her eyes bypassed the fire in front of her face entirely, and were instead fixed on Manon’s. The flame brought out the lightness of her eyes, and for a second that tiny point of connection between them was more physical and real than anything Manon had ever experienced. 

And then Aelin leaned back, taking a long drag, and the moment broke. Manon capped the lighter, put it away, and removed her own cigarette from her teeth. 

“I thought you quit.”

Aelin flashed a sharp smile, if only for a half second. She settled down gingerly against the green fence. “I did.” 

Mirroring her, Manon sat against the stone wall. If they stretched their legs out, there would only be a foot or two in between them. She exhaled softly, a stream of smoke partly obscuring Aelin from her vision. They hadn’t been alone together since the locker room, since Manon had promised both the other girl and herself that she would  _ not _ kiss her again, she wouldn’t, she’d set another set of restrictions and tight bonds on herself. Hold herself back, once again. 

Aelin wasn’t looking at her, she was gazing to the side, but not the way she avoided Manon’s gaze in class. This was...comfortable. Manon felt it too, the unease of their relationship settling over them, because as uncomfortable and unbalanced as it felt, it was what they were used to. It was commonplace for them, familiar. Manon looked down, trying to mask the realization that she was only self conscious about the way she looked at Aelin in public, where Asterin or the others could notice. Here? There was no need to hide a truth both she and Aelin felt, even if it went unspoken.

She finished her cigarette. 

The root of that truth between them just happened to be uncertainty. It didn’t make it any less true. 

Manon stood, turning and stubbing her cigarette out on the wall behind her. When she turned, however, Aelin had crossed over to her, only a few steps away.

Her brows were drawn, puzzled, but determined. “I’m going to try something,” Aelin said, holding her still burning smoke off to the side. She took a step closer. “Okay?”

Horribly trying to conceal the violent beat of her heart, Manon shrugged, looking acceptably nonchalant. Something about the very very tiny smile on Aelin’s face said that she hadn’t succeeded. That spurred her into finding her spine, at least. “Do your worst, Galathynius. You get a free shot.”

The smile fell. “No,” said Aelin. “That’s not what this is.”

She stepped forward again,  _ into _ Manon, and gently pressed their lips together. Manon didn’t close her eyes, but neither did Aelin. They stared at each other, all the surprise in Manon tempered out by the solid weight of the choice, the decision, in Aelin as she kissed her.

The wind changed, and the smoke from Aelin’s still lit cigarette blew gently between them. Manon’s eyes were stinging, but she wouldn’t close them, not when she could memorize Aelin’s eyes from up close. She had a tiny mole between her eye and nose that Manon hadn’t noticed the first time. The pressure on her lips was persistent, demanded attention, despite its softness.

She suddenly remembered she had hands. The moment Manon brought them up, however, not sure what exactly to do with them, Aelin pulled back. She dropped the cigarette. Manon stomped it out into the grass without breaking her gaze. 

There was a light in Aelin’s eyes, not quite triumphant, not quite happy. “Interesting,” she said. “Thanks for the cigarette.”

Manon said nothing, even as Aelin turned and left the gardens. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im still. feeling this story out if that's not obvious. i'd love feedback on how it's going cause lol tbh i have NO clue!!!!!

**Author's Note:**

> hey if anyone actually wants more of this...i know it's entirely self indulgent but if yall liked it hit me up on tumblr as cosmicrhetoric or in the comments.


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